Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am available for nakedness
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
