Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
