I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
