I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
