Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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