There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
