so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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