i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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