That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
