He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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