don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We have started to decorate penises.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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