no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
