i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
