I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
