Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
