cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
