I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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