I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Panties = found
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
