I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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