I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
