i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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