So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
