my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
