my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
