he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
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I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We are all done wearing pants today
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize