there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
