Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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