Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
