This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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