; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
