He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
