people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
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i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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