I only kidnapped one of them. chill
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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