fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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