just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
