I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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