I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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