I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
