but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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