The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
