Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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