Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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