Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
