Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
