i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
