; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
