If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
