i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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