You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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