Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
