1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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