I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
