you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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