So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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