It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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