I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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