The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
this hospital has no fireball
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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