the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
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I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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