my vag is so smooth its legendary
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
