You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
someone threw a dead crab at me
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
