I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
