Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
