I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
