Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
