Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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