I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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