For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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