So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
