You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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