he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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