Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
